Two Birds, One Stone

While I have a moral aversion to the literal meaning of the saying, I’m a huge fan of situations that are the essence of “killing two birds with one stone.”  Picking-up ass-expensive prescription dog food while on our way to try a new restaurant near our ass-out-of-the-way vet? Awesome. Celebrating my mom’s birthday at our wedding reception? Perfect. I just can’t think of a more efficient way to run my life than to constantly be killing two birds with one stone (allow yourself to create a mental image of this…really morbid, isn’t it?)

So when I discovered that the Miami Marathon takes place the day John and I are supposed to fly to the Dominican Republic for our honeymoon, I couldn’t have been more overjoyed at the level of two birds, one stone-ness that was presenting itself to me. And then kayak.com told me that it was actually cheaper to fly from Chicago to Miami, and then Miami to the DR than it was to fly direct from Chicago to the DR, and I was, in a word, elated. Saving money annnndd accomplishing two goals with one trip? It was almost enough to make me believe in Jesus.

The problem with this situation arose when I proposed the two birds, one stone extravaganza to my husband and he looked at me like I had just broken down the door with a rusty axe and shouted, “Heeeree’s Johnnnyy!” He said that he’s concerned I’ll be too tired to enjoy myself (read: bang.) He said I’ll inevitably suffer from post-marathon gastrointestinal distress, and the words diarrhea and honeymoon should just never be in the same sentence. These are all valid points, but a) nothing will make me want to lay on a beach or in a bed all day more than running a marathon and b) I always have gastrointestinal distress, so really, having it because of a marathon is going to be no different than having it just because of life. Surprisingly, John agreed, and so my two birds, one stone dreams seem to be coming true. Now if only I could find an awesome deal on a hotel/rental car package…